So I'm sitting in the airport waiting to board my flight home. It's been a wild ride: my backpack needs to be washed, I was in a magnitude 6.1 earthquake at 3:30 in the morning, I drank more wine in the last 7 days than I have in the last 7 months, I ate several new foods, I spent time with three people who I haven't seen regularly in over 5 years, and I attempted to forget about the stressors in my life. I think I mostly succeeded. It's very hard to concentrate with all of these noisy, stressed-out people around. Why are airports full of those? I should have brought earplugs. I need to invest in a really good, really strong pair. I would have several uses for them. Pixel is the largest of those reasons. Anywho...
I realize that perhaps I am putting a little too much pressure on this trip. I am expecting it to solve all of my problems but that is highly unlikely and highly unfair. So instead, I will consider it a success because I was able to forget about some things for a while, focus on some things without external pressure, talk about some things with outside sources, and see some absolutely beautiful sights.
The earthquake was insane. Truthfully I'm a little tired of talking about it but I'll attempt to recap for archival purposes. It's very strange to be suddenly awoken (awaken? What's the right word here?) by violent shaking. I was in the earthquake we had on the east coast a few years ago. It was a 5.8 and the epicenter was somewhere in Virginia so I was fairly close, all things considered. Upon being jolted awake yesterday morning, I remember thinking to myself, "This one is way worse." Everything was shaking SO HARD. It's difficult to describe, really. There is no way to explain it. You had to feel it. The scary part was that, being 3:20am, it was pitch dark and I could hear glass shattering all around my uncle's house but I couldn't actually see anything. It was sensory deprivation and sensory overload all at the same time. I finally got out of bed and opened the bedroom door to find my uncle who had just run over. We looked at each other like, "What the hell?" and then it was done. If you ask me, I think the whole thing happened really fast. If you ask him, it was the longest 30 seconds of his life. Perspective. My aunt and uncle lost a lot of stuff. Several bottles from their wine room, their flat screen TV, several sculptures, some dishware, some coffee mugs, and the stuff that wasn't broken was all over the floor. What a mess... I helped them clean the worst of it for about 2 hours and then decided to go back to bed when everything calmed down. They just made a pot of coffee and stayed awake. They're crazy.
This post is disjointed but the airport is really hectic right now. I have to work on zoning this shit out.
The work situation I described in chronicle #1 has come to a conclusion. I spoke to our project lead a few times over the course of the trip. He managed to push the design stuff back just enough for me to do it when I get back. The caveat is that I have a lot of work to do by Friday. I was going to take the day off tomorrow to rest and relax but instead I am going to secretly work from home to try to get ahead. I am simultaneously pleased, thankful (to him for navigating that annoying scheduling mess), and scared/stressed. All day I've had a sinking feeling in the bottom of my stomach at the thought of what these next two weeks will be like.
I did have a wonderful time on vacation though. I'm very sad that it's over but I'm also a little relieved to sleep in my own apartment again (for another week and a half), see my kittens, and not worry (as much) about another earthquake. Lots of changes and excitement are in store for my return. I hope that I can stave off burnout for as long as possible and reach a state of equilibrium as soon as I can. It should really be up to me to do this. Work very hard and very efficiently for the next 2 weeks and hopefully I can coast the rest of this year with a lot less stress and a lot more solidity than I have been able to muster in the early part of the year. Fall is my favorite season and Halloween is my favorite holiday so I have that to look forward to. I'm starting a dance class next Tuesday which should be fun. I have some cool art projects lined up if I find time for them.
Things should be ok. Deep breaths.
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