On Art and Social Commentary

I find that I have an awful lot to say about the world on any given day. How I think people are stupid, WHY I think people are stupid, ways I think people can learn to shake their stupidity, etc. I talk about these things incessantly to anyone who will listen as though I'm the world's next Confucius or something but I never do anything about it. I just push around hot air. I also like to make art and have, for some time, been longing to make art for art's sake - art because I WANT to, not because it pays my bills. So why have I never considered an art project in which I make some sort of social commentary? Isn't that what "real" artists do? I mean, I guess Van Gogh was sort of a "paint whatever the hell I want" kind of guy but mostly, don't artists have something they're trying to say with their work? The good ones anyway... When does an artist transition from making art that is pretty to making art that is meaningful? Some have been doing it all their lives - throwing paint on the paper in some adolescent revolt against "the man" or something else that they only moderately understand at the age of 16. Some, like me, chose the technical route as a child in which you soak up as much info as possible on HOW to make the art in some kind of preparation for the "real" artistic process later on. Ok, so I know how to make art - but what now? I often say that although I have a job in my "major," I don't feel artistically satisfied. What will change that? A hobby? A new job? I think I need to find some answers first and foremost but since brooding over it in my mind hasn't really been supplying the answers, maybe it's time for action. That doesn't mean I'm going to up and quit my job - HAHA - no. But I think I really need to start saying no to some of these mind-numbing freelance projects and start working toward something. Something meaningful. Something that I can put in a portfolio and feel proud of regardless of someone else's opinion because it is totally mine and exists exactly in the way I intended it to.

Rereading this sort of makes me sound like Dr. Frankenstein. I doubt I'm going to make an oversized cadaver walk around town... but I am starting to feel like a corporate drone. An artist should never feel like a corporate drone. We are the anti-corporate-drone, right? We are the thinkers - the feelers - the doers. So why am I stuck in a routine that discourages all of that?

It's my choice. I choose to be where I am. I can choose to change it.

Why are Customer Support lines always terrible?

I mean, why do they even exist if calling them with the notion of getting your problem solved is nothing but false hope? There are ALWAYS exceptions to the rule, people. Sometimes, you have to account for those exceptions and give your robots with skin some direction on how to interact with other human beings.

It must be that all the intelligent people have fallen into other, more interesting jobs leaving the unintelligent assholes to man the phone lines. Was that offensive? Good. Because I was offended by my doctor's office rep telling me to "calm down" today on the phone when all I did was tell her what SHE did wrong. GOD, the NERVE of some people.

If steam could ACTUALLY come out of a person's ears, there would be steam emanating from mine right now.

Things Are Never as Bad as They Seem

Now, let's get this straight right from the get-go. I still continually struggle with a crippling amount of stress and worry over seemingly pointless things on a day to day basis. But certain things lately have proven to me yet again what I already know to be true in the back of my mind regardless of whether or not I put it into practice: things are never as bad as they seem.

I find that as a species, human beings have a knack for taking a situation that is fairly normal and twisting it into this god-awful conundrum in their minds when really, if faced head on at the start or if considered in a less-dramatic way, it should really be a non-issue. Sweeping generalization I know - I'd get points taken off an essay for a statement like that but I think this one is actually true of most people regardless of how many claim to be "laid back." I don't know. Maybe I'm coloring the world through my own technicolor lenses and this really only affects me. I just feel like there are so many things I stress out about that I know are STUPID and I have really been actively attempting to stop. I think just flat-out being aware of it is a step in the right direction and is probably more beneficial than I am giving myself credit for.

I'm also getting a tattoo to remind myself of this. I haven't decided the specifics yet but I've been mulling it over in my mind since July and I haven't even once thought that perhaps it wasn't a good idea since then so I think it proves that the decision has already been made. "Fear Cuts Deeper Than Swords." What with all the Game of Thrones craze these days it sort of makes me feel like a sell-out but I started reading the books because of a recommendation from a friend before the HBO series came out so I think of it less as a social phenomenon and more of a replacement for the hole that Harry Potter left after re-reading the books yet again and seeing the completion of the movies. Huge digression... Basically, when I read that phrase for the very first time, I thought - wow, that's pretty true. What makes one person able to complete a difficult and dangerous task when another fails? Optimists call it courage. But what is courage - the anti-fear. I think saying to someone "Be courageous" or "be brave" suggests a super-human mindset in which a person become valiant and triumphs above some evil adversity. I think a more down-to-earth suggestion that holds the same weight would be "do not be afraid." When you are aware of the fact that there IS fear or a possibility thereof, I think you're better equipped to analyse WHY it is you are afraid and ultimately find it pointless. Thus negating the fear altogether.

Easier said than done though.

Hello Again

I will reserve the time for a truly updated post shortly. For now, here is my attempt to at least jump start a new wave of updates.

I wonder if there will ever be a 6 month lag in updates where I can truly say "Nothing much has changed since we last spoke." Then again, I almost like the ever-changing aspect of my life at the moment.

A few highlights of the last 6 months ("Highlights" meaning "headlines" moreso than "good things"):

-- Job - I have a job in my field that pays me a salary on which I can live presumably comfortably in the DC area - the most expensive goddamn place next to NYC or LA in my opinion.

Does that mean I like it? Not necessarily. I wouldn't use the words like or love to describe it. However, it's certainly providing me with a shit-ton of experience that will be very, very good for my portfolio. And in all truthfulness, it could be much worse. I just am a little baffled by the sheer amount of stress I go through to produce a visitors guide for DC. I make a VISITORS GUIDE BOOK so that the Johnson family from Ohio can come to DC and know where to eat dinner after seeing their favorite monument. I should not be this stressed out. There are plenty of things that could be done to ensure my lack of stress but unfortunately those things lie beyond my control. So for now, my work life tends to fluctuate like the tides. Low tide, I have peaceful days with no one in the office to do my thing at my own pace. High tide is a fucking nightmare. Our standard 9 hour days become 11 hour days with no lunch or dinner break and let me say it one more time - this is all because of a VISITORS GUIDE. I'm sorry. That kind of work does not deserve such high levels of stress. It's ridiculous.

-- Apartment - Do we remember the "All I want is to live alone and have a cat." conversation? Well let me tell you how that played out. I split a 2 bedroom apartment 3 ways with a couple I found on Craigslist because it's the only way I can afford to live somewhere in/near DC that struck me as safe. They have a cat. So I got what I wanted in a way, right? Well...a very twisted way. I am a neat freak. I made no attempt at hiding this when searching for apartments/roommates. They apparently do not share my sentiments. So I live in a place where I'm constantly cleaning up after other peoples' kitchen mess and HIDING my own fucking kitchen supplies in my BEDROOM so that they won't get broken. Also, I write my name on all my food now so that it doesn't get eaten because, although I was unaware that this can happen, my roommates "do not remember" what they buy at the store. Really? Really? STRIKE - not a good apartment choice. Also, the cat is annoyingly needy and the roommates don't clean her litter enough - which just so happens to be in the kitchen. Yeah. The sad part is that they're actually really nice people so as much as I want to blow up and say "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" I can't because then I'll look like the asshole.

-- Aikido - the one always-positive aspect of my daily routine. I have started studying martial arts again. It's a Japanese form called Aikido that uses the attacker's own energy to counter their attack and put them on the ground. It's the same form that Stephen (Steven? - Don't care enough to look it up) Segal is trained in. The people at the dojo are really nice and supportive and it's a good way to exercise while simultaneously working toward something. The only downfall is that it is pretty expensive and they want even more money to participate in their weapons program - something I'd have really loved to be a part of if I could afford it. But since I'm pretty much fed up with my apartment and car (with its strange heating issues), I'm trying to save every spare dollar for a house and a new car - whichever I find necessity in first.

-- Jason - always a source of calm and comfort in my otherwise turbulent and ever-changing life. I'm lucky to have him. No one else will listen to me complain for as long as he will, haha. We went to Vegas for vacation in October. More on that in a subsequent post including some photos (we took a day trip to The Grand Canyon that was amazing!).