Time for a quick update because I desperately want to avoid falling out of touch with this blog. I cannot even believe that this is my LAST WEEK of freelancing before I start my new job. Didn't I just accept the position yesterday? Where has the time gone?! What?! All very exciting but I am starting to feel the effects of my procrastination creeping up on me.
No regrets though. As stated several times before, these past few months of relative ease and relaxation have been instrumental. Like hitting a re-set button. Do I feel 100% in control of every aspect of my life? Hardly. Does one ever? But do I feel like I have a direction now? Yes. I really fucking do. This job may bore me to death. The government hoopla may tire me. But you know what? It may not! And since I will be compensated like the educated professional I actually am, I will be able to stomach a whole lot more. I have no predictions for the day-to-day. I'm a little scared, a little excited, a little apprehensive...but mostly, I'm saying "Bring it on." I'm ready to lay the "job" question to rest for a little while. I'm ready to concentrate on other aspects of my life.
I've already seen a huge jump in mental priority in this past month. Without having to worry about the job thing anymore, I find myself thinking a lot more about Aikido. This is one of those cyclical things: since I've been freelancing, the only place I physically GO during the week is Aikido:: so it's been my only source of human interaction:: therefore I've been thinking about it a lot more:: therefore I attend class a lot more:: and on and on in a circle. Additionally, one of my instructors has given me a few Aikido-centric books that have opened up some incredibly interesting discussions about some of the art's less-obvious themes/problems/etc. The first book is a collection of interviews with high-ranking women aikidoka (people who do Aikido). I blew through that one in about 3 days. It brought up a lot of interesting things about a woman's place in the dojo, the nature of her path through the art, and the nature of her interactions with fellow students and teachers. The current book is essentially the opposite: it takes a very male approach to the Aikido discussion but not in an annoying way. I've been reading this one a lot slower because it delves into some pretty complex topics that are a bit over my head at this point in my training but I find it fascinating. The book is described on the jacket as being "an evil twin" to the perfect martial arts book. I can see why. It takes a very in-your-face, not-everything-in-this-world-is-pretty kind of approach that I find refreshing. There is no need to walk around like a king because you know a lot of really cool martial arts moves. What are the real implications of this knowledge? What does it really provide you? What responsibility does it leave you? How do these things fit within an otherwise normal lifestyle?
I've reached a point in my training (almost 2 years) where I'm starting to question things a bit. I've been doing the "place my foot here because you told me to" thing for a while now. Since it is fairly obvious that I plan to see this through to at least first degree black belt (and probably beyond), I'm taking a good hard look at the way I'm shaping my training and the things I hope to get out of it. Exciting—but also complex. I don't know. Something to think about.
5.20.2013
5.08.2013
Life
My life at the moment: a weird threshold—stuck in limbo between one lifestyle and another.
But I really can't complain. And I won't. Because ultimately, I am content. Happy even.
Since the beginning of March, I have had a physical freedom that I had never experienced before. I literally have no physical commitments on a day to day basis—particularly in terms of employment. I can be anywhere in the damn world as long as I have internet access and an external hard drive. I'm even fairly flexible when it comes to Aikido. I go to class 3 days a week. Wednesdays are mandatory because Sensei teaches and I'm in the instructor training program. Thursdays are devoted to weapons so I always make sure to attend because I enjoy it. The last day is totally up to me! I could go 4 days a week if I wanted. If it's a particularly busy week, maybe I only go 2. Whatever!
My biggest challenge at the moment is structuring my day. When I have SUCH a large gaping hole of "free-time," I tend to lose focus and in stressing about all of the things I could be doing, I end up sitting around playing songs on youtube and realizing: Where the hell did 3:00 go? Wasn't it 2:45 a minute ago? How is it 4:30 now? And what the hell did I do in that hour and a half?
Since accepting the new job (which begins on May 28!!), I've been looking at these few weeks as like a waiting period instead of what they truly are: three full weeks of my life that I should do something productive with. So I think I'm going to attempt to outline a daily plan. I had avoided it until this point because it felt like an exercise in futility. What am I going to do with this plan when I start work on May 28? But no! I shall make a plan that I can carry on into my days of work. Mostly this plan involves waking up earlier (haha) and assembling a very specific list of things to accomplish in the morning before work so as to avoid either procrastinating with them later or being stuck with them at 10:30pm when I finally get around to them. Things like blogging, Facebooking, running, reading magazines....things I resort to when I want to waste a little time because "Oh I haven't done that lately!" Perhaps I'll even set it up on a weekly schedule so that I don't feel the need to rush through all of them in 2 hours in the morning. I don't know. A worthy experiment. I was inspired by Claire and Corey's seemingly smooth but interesting daily routine in which there was enough time to themselves to stay sane but enough structure that they actually got things done on a daily basis.
But it all harkens back to willpower. Do I have the willpower to wake up a 6 o'clock in the morning when I know I don't ultimately have to? Judging from past experience, no, haha.
But I really can't complain. And I won't. Because ultimately, I am content. Happy even.
Since the beginning of March, I have had a physical freedom that I had never experienced before. I literally have no physical commitments on a day to day basis—particularly in terms of employment. I can be anywhere in the damn world as long as I have internet access and an external hard drive. I'm even fairly flexible when it comes to Aikido. I go to class 3 days a week. Wednesdays are mandatory because Sensei teaches and I'm in the instructor training program. Thursdays are devoted to weapons so I always make sure to attend because I enjoy it. The last day is totally up to me! I could go 4 days a week if I wanted. If it's a particularly busy week, maybe I only go 2. Whatever!
My biggest challenge at the moment is structuring my day. When I have SUCH a large gaping hole of "free-time," I tend to lose focus and in stressing about all of the things I could be doing, I end up sitting around playing songs on youtube and realizing: Where the hell did 3:00 go? Wasn't it 2:45 a minute ago? How is it 4:30 now? And what the hell did I do in that hour and a half?
Since accepting the new job (which begins on May 28!!), I've been looking at these few weeks as like a waiting period instead of what they truly are: three full weeks of my life that I should do something productive with. So I think I'm going to attempt to outline a daily plan. I had avoided it until this point because it felt like an exercise in futility. What am I going to do with this plan when I start work on May 28? But no! I shall make a plan that I can carry on into my days of work. Mostly this plan involves waking up earlier (haha) and assembling a very specific list of things to accomplish in the morning before work so as to avoid either procrastinating with them later or being stuck with them at 10:30pm when I finally get around to them. Things like blogging, Facebooking, running, reading magazines....things I resort to when I want to waste a little time because "Oh I haven't done that lately!" Perhaps I'll even set it up on a weekly schedule so that I don't feel the need to rush through all of them in 2 hours in the morning. I don't know. A worthy experiment. I was inspired by Claire and Corey's seemingly smooth but interesting daily routine in which there was enough time to themselves to stay sane but enough structure that they actually got things done on a daily basis.
But it all harkens back to willpower. Do I have the willpower to wake up a 6 o'clock in the morning when I know I don't ultimately have to? Judging from past experience, no, haha.
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