Don't get cooked in the squat.

Zig Ziglar warns us not to get "cooked in the squat." Meaning, don't pretend to get ready for some big leap of life and then stagnate in the preparation without ever stepping off the edge.

I was getting there. I'd been squatting since January 10 when I had a breakdown in my boss's office telling him I hated working there. I was becoming cooked in the squat much to my dismay. Well... Today, as I was still convincing myself to leap, I got shoved unexpectedly off the edge. My boss informed me that Saturday should be my last day now that I have been training a temporary person for March all this week. It's Wednesday. My last day is 3 days away.

I'm terrified. But also a little relieved. I hate not knowing where my next paycheck is coming from but the fact that I don't have to go back there Monday morning is so fucking attractive.

This will mark the first time that I will leave school or a job without a very real, very viable option for continued employment since graduating college. It's kind of freeing. Makes me want to hop a plane to CA or something. Except that I shouldn't waste the money on a plane ticket haha. I need to pay bills.

It's not all that grim. I have a small freelance client base that I will be kindly asking for work. Any work. All work. And I have become involved with a creative staffing agency that will hopefully provide me with some much needed contract work.

Still scared. But this time, I'm anxious because there is a huge gaping hole in front of me that could lead to any number of awesome or terrifying things. It's a nice break from the exhaustion and suffocation of the box I was trapped in until now.

Different emotions. Still strong. But I think anxiety/excitement beats depression/hopelessness any day of the week.

Some Updates

Every now and then I decide to change around some colors and template elements on this blog as though I actually care about the design of this thing. Terrible—as I call myself a designer—but I have a hard time devoting such energy to something that I try not to avoid publicizing. I love it as a means of keeping in touch with you guys but truthfully, there are some people who certainly should NOT be reading some of this shit haha.

Home Life: The kitties have been adorable but, like any baby animal, a little needy. They cry at night when we lock them out but they jump all over us if we let them in the bedroom so we're currently trying to figure out a way to get some sleep with these guys! Otherwise, they are a little mischievous (what kittens aren't?) but mostly just cute and a great addition to the family. Home life is great. I wish I had more of it.

Draw Something Every Day: Also going great!! I have drawn something every single day so far this year. I don't always post it the same night - occasionally I'll wait until the following morning or afternoon but so far - no lapses! It's been tough at times, of course, but really, I thought it would be much harder. I guess habits are easier to form when it's something you truly enjoy.

Work: Sigh. I'll keep the bitching to a minimum and stick to the facts. The lead I had on a job from my friend fell through because it turns out they no longer need the position I'm qualified for. So, we're back to square one with the job search. I'm not going to say that I'm not disappointed...because I am. Knowing that I have the power to leave this job whenever I want is borderline torture because I have no where to go and no prospects right now. Seriously considering transitioning to full time freelance. Scares the shit out of me but now may be the time. I just want to make sure I won't be out on the streets if I decide to go this route. Enough about that for now, though. I really have nothing to report.

I read an entire web comic today (spaning the length of 3 years or so - 1 or 2 posts per week). Good stuff but super depressing by the end haha. Oh well - can't say I wasn't warned. I want to start making some of my own comics so I asked a few comic-lovin' friends for some recommendations. I want to do a little research before delving in. I'm also churning through a book on how to create comics. It's set up like a college course of about 15 weeks or so...no way I'm gonna finish it before I have to return it to the library haha so I'll figure out whether or not I want to bite the bullet and just buy it.

This weekend was very refreshing. I got so much shit done!! I didn't get a chance to apply to any more jobs yet (probably will tonight) but I got my taxes done and did some homey things. It's frickin' great when you don't have to work and when there are no other responsibilities to attend to for an entire 48 hours. It's possible that I'll have to work the next 3 weekends in a row...I'm trying not to dwell on it at the moment.

I'm also reading a book about Edward Gorey, an artist and author who writes and illustrates weird short stories that are kind of dark and yet somehow whimsical. I love his style and I love him as a strange little person. The more I read about him, the more strange personality quirks I find that we have in common. I'm not sure that it's a great thing, haha, but I'll run with it for now. If I could acquire his success, I'll take it. I think his book The Gashleycrumb Tinies is a perfect example of his work: Read Here.

I want to read some more fiction again. I need to get lost in some kind of world. It seems to really do a lot for my psyche when I'm involved in the lives of characters that have nothing to do with this world haha. I can usually spend some quality daydreaming thinking about the story. There's also a great deal of inspiration that comes from a good story I think...

I've abandoned the Personal Trainer thing - partly on purpose and partly by accident. I was taking a really long time to decide whether or not I wanted to continue with it and in doing so, the voucher expired. It really unnerves me. If I had a great prospect for a new job with awesome benefits, it would be a worthless thing to have. If, however, I decide to freelance, it probably would have been a great thing to fall back on. Sigh...I get a knot in my stomach when I think about it. Regardless of the fact that studying for it was becoming a huge pain in the ass. Though really...why kill myself to learn something new when there are people in the world who will pay for skills that I already have? It's just a matter of how to market myself...