So, I've been avoiding this comprehensive post for a while. It overwhelms me with its capacity.
In the last 2 months, I have:
1) Been in 2 weddings in 2 states in 2 weeks
2) Bought a new car
3) Gone to a new dentist (something I'd avoided for far too long)
4) Attended at least 4 Aikido seminars/special classes
5) Applied for and signed lease documents for a new apartment in a new state (Virginia)
6) Planned a vacation to CA
These activities leave me tired and stressed.
The demise of my relationship with Jason, while entirely initiated by myself, has been eating away at me for 8 months now (God, that long?) and the fact that I am about to move out makes it all seem very final and, quite honestly, makes me question whether or not it was even a good idea to begin with. Truth be told I could probably benefit from this time alone but I am really going to miss having him there to talk to—especially since he will be living up to an hour away (we're both moving closer to our respective jobs). It's just the worst feeling.
All things considered, the new apartment is pretty nice. Not as small as I was expecting to find, and not as expensive as I was expecting to have to settle with. Ultimately a win.
This morning on the way into work I was lamenting over a few things about relationships:
1) It's very annoying that you cannot choose who you are attracted to. If that were the case, I would choose Jason and we'd wrap this whole thing up with a little bow.
2) It's also very annoying that I spend so much time and energy worrying about it. Why do I judge the success of my life based on my romantic relationships? Why do most people do that? Why can't we be our own source of happiness and supplement that happiness with friends/lovers? In the grand scheme of things, my life is pretty great. I have allowed this ONE aspect of it to color my mood for a year. And color it has! I am finding gray hairs.
4) Why does it seem like everyone in the world is getting married? The onslaught of wedding talk doesn't help with the "avoid thinking about relationships" attempt...
Moving into an apartment by myself with 2 cats is the first step to becoming a crazy old cat lady. Is this something that I am ok with?
In other news, my California vacation is now less than a month away and I am SO EXCITED to get out of here and stop thinking about everything... or at least have 1.5 weeks where I don't have to DO anything about it.
In other other news, 2 weekends ago, I had a very funny experience involving a person who was the product of many a conversation in high school. I will not use names for SEO purposes but about 4 seconds into this story, the 3 people who read this blog will know exactly who I am talking about.
Facebook informed me that this fellow would be starring in a musical production in Philly during the months of May, June, and some of July. I thought it would be amusing for old time's sake to see the production—considering I spent such a great deal of energy on this person in high school, and considering he spends most, if not all, of his time in NYC now.
Elana was gracious enough to accompany me to the show on very short notice so we got there early to make sure we got tickets. Left with an hour or so to spare, we decided to take a walk to a nearby restaurant to kill some time. While crossing the street, GUESS WHO WE SEE in the window of the restaurant. Yep. We decided to go to the place next door... we didn't want to risk awkward encounters. Turns out the place next door actually wasn't the place next door... it was the same goddamn place. So we marched right on past his table to be seated at the back of the restaurant. Giggling ensued. We did not make our presence known.
The show progressed as usual. Turns out we were seated 4 seats down the aisle from his PARENTS. The show was cute. We ran into another friend from high school during intermission (married AND pregnant—really though, EVERYONE?!) Since it was a professional production, I hadn't expected to encounter him after the show so I swallowed my pride and my rekindled longing and prepared to go back to the car. Upon leaving, we noticed his parents waiting around in the lobby. Now I swore to myself that I had grown up since high school. I swore to myself that I was less creepy and more in command of my compulsions now. I swore that the next time I encountered this person I would be cool as a cucumber in one of those "See what you missed out on?" kinds of moments that you see in the movies. But when I saw his parents waiting just outside the door of the lobby we were in, I turned to Elana and said, "Stop... we wait RIGHT HERE." Elana, ever the good sport, giggled and said, "Ok."
Mere minutes (which felt like 7 awkward hours) later, he arrived. The plan was to casually walk out the door as though we just happened to be walking by at the right time... My fucking palms were sweaty as we approached. I was thinking to myself, "Monique, this is absolutely insane! Stop it!" Alas, my acting skills took over and as we approached the man in question, I called out his name, cool as a cucumber (I realize this is hard to convey via written word... if I were to be saying it to myself it would have sounded like "MO-nique CU-chi! (how the hell are ya?)"). He turned toward me and I have to admit the look on his face was rather encouraging. Some mixture of "Oh my god, you are literally the last person in the world I was expecting to see" and "What a pleasant surprise!" He said "Oh my god, Monique!! Thank you so much for coming" and gave me a big hug. He introduced me to his parents (we've met) and I said, "Do you remember Elana from high school?" to which he replied "Of course!" but Elana was convinced that he didn't... I tend to agree with her. And then he was accosted by UD summer theater pre-teens. We tried to wait until they left but he had to run back inside so we didn't get to talk any more. I sent him a Facebook message congratulating him and never got a response (unsurprised).
Lessons learned:
1) Upon seeing him again, I instantly reverted to my 16 year old self, but I think I held it together on the outside pretty well. All in all, a highly amusing experience...
2) I forgot how tiny he was. As I hugged him, I wondered if I was, in fact, larger than he.
3) After the shock of seeing him again wore off, I got over it rather quickly and was a little miffed that he didn't respond to my message. Whatever. He's too cool now, I guess.
That's it for now. Countdown to California: 28 days.
