I thought it might be nice to write an actual entry - not just an "oh hey, I remembered that I started this thing" pity entry.
Life has been interesting. Interesting is the diplomatic word I've been using to describe my situation. Lonely would be another. Less lonely now than a month and a half ago but no where near where I'd like it. Let me elaborate. I live in a house with a kind older woman and a fairly quiet grad student (and a dog!). For the most part, the three (four) of us do our own thing. Occasionally we'll have a meal or watch tv together but we pretty much just coexist. It's really not a bad setup, I must say, but coupled with the fact that I don't talk to very many people at work, you can see how it might get a little old after a while. Thankfully I talk to Shane every night and we usually see each other anywhere from 1-3 times a week - which is impressive considering we live an hour away from one another. Though I guess an hour is a whole lost closer than two and a half hours which is the distance from my home to his.
Wolf Trap has been quite the experience. Again, diplomatic. I think the internship program is wonderful. We are treated like employees instead of interns which for most of us is fantastic and for others of us is a bit less than fantastic. I'm learning a LOT about the nit picky details of graphic design - a nit picky field of work in general. Mostly I'm learning the hard way - by screwing up and having to fix it - but hey, I'm learning. Sometimes I wish I'd learn first before having to redo the work 50 times, but I guess I have to take what I'm given. My supervisor has offered to help me with my resume. I thought that was nice of her. I'll definitely take her up on that offer although sometimes I feel like our artistic opinions differ greatly; so I'll take what she says and apply it the best I can to my own style.
I enjoy all of the intern talks and field trips that we get to experience. I really appreciate the opportunities that they're throwing at us in that respect. When I get a moment of free time, I plan to exploit some of those connections if only to pick their brains about their lives in an effort to give some direction to my own. I feel rather directionless right now. When this internship ends, I have another - but when that ends I have no idea what I'm going to do. I can tell you right now that it won't be anything like what I'm doing now. It's not for me. But then the question is what can I do with my degrees that doesn't involve graphic design for an arts organization. The answer is A LOT, actually, if only by association. It puts me in a good and a bad position. I have so many things to choose from that I feel like I'm going to be very indecisive - which won't allow me to move up in any one field. At this point I feel like I'm going to be entry-level for years simply because I'm going to want to try so many new things - or because I'm never going to be satisfied. But then I realize that I'm probably just letting myself think too much. I assume because I don't love this job as much as I thought I would that every job is going to be a let down and that can't be true. Statistically, at least ONE has to be a positive experience, right? I sure hope so.
I just need to figure out which one that is...
7.15.2010
Hey There!
Ok, I forgot about this for a while. Post college life isn't quite what I thought it would be. I thought I would have more time. I don't haha. And yet I feel as though I am doing much less. The lady I live with is SO NICE. She's so nice. It is pleasant to come home to someone who is constantly so pleasant. The grad student who lives here is nice too but we don't see each other all that often because we're both so busy. When I'm not at work, I'm either seeing a show Wolf Trap, going home for the weekend, or going to visit Shane for the weekend. Busy times. The internship is interesting. It is definitely a great experience. I'm learning a LOT because I'm being given a lot of responsibility which is good. I just don't think that it's something I want to be doing for the rest of my life. I have reservations for a number of reasons - that I'd gladly elaborate on in person should you be interested. The true test will be when I do practically the same thing at CENTERSTAGE come September. If I don't like it then I know it's the work; if I do like it - well then maybe Wolf Trap and I are just not meant to be. Despite any reservations, though, I cannot deny how much I'm learning and I just hope that I can collect it all properly when I leave on August 20th in order to utilize the skills as best as I can in the future.
I'm a little behind on all of the design for the Theatre Department's season. I was without internet here for about 3 weeks so that put me behind and now that it's back, I'm sloooowly transitioning into working on all of that again, haha.
I'm a little behind on all of the design for the Theatre Department's season. I was without internet here for about 3 weeks so that put me behind and now that it's back, I'm sloooowly transitioning into working on all of that again, haha.
5.06.2010
Enter - Real Life
So school is winding down, folks. Much slower than anyone else perhaps because of how late we get out, but winding down nonetheless. I graduate on Monday, May 24th. Things are winding down homework-wise as well, ironically. The middle of the semester always seems to be the busiest for me so I'm just coasting toward the finish at this point. I have 2 projects and 1 final standing in my way currently.
In other news, I have updates!
1) Unfortunately, I did not get Valedictorian. They gave it to someone from Biology. It's ok though. Being a finalist was cool enough and the president is going to recognize me for that at graduation anyway, which is so cool!
2) I have a place to live in VA for the summer! Have I said this yet? I don't remember so I'm gonna say it again. It's in a cute little townhouse that I'd be sharing with the owner (an older woman) and a grad student from George Mason. There is a dog named Rudy and a pool involved. Happiness.
3) I have an internship at CENTERSTAGE in Baltimore for the 2010-2011 season! So I am now officially employed through next May! Wooo! I get very little money at CENTERSTAGE but I get housed for FREE and I have the opportunity to bar tend at one of their 4 or so bars for extra money during events! I'm so excited! I'll be doing graphic design there too. So at the end of next year, I'll have had a full year of graphic design experience with this and Wolf Trap! All very exciting.
So now I am just excited to graduate and get the hell out of here. I'm sure I will miss it, but I will be about 15 minutes from school next year at CENTERSTAGE so I could always come back and visit if I want, but I don't have to see anyone here that I don't like! Win all around, I think.
In other news, I have updates!
1) Unfortunately, I did not get Valedictorian. They gave it to someone from Biology. It's ok though. Being a finalist was cool enough and the president is going to recognize me for that at graduation anyway, which is so cool!
2) I have a place to live in VA for the summer! Have I said this yet? I don't remember so I'm gonna say it again. It's in a cute little townhouse that I'd be sharing with the owner (an older woman) and a grad student from George Mason. There is a dog named Rudy and a pool involved. Happiness.
3) I have an internship at CENTERSTAGE in Baltimore for the 2010-2011 season! So I am now officially employed through next May! Wooo! I get very little money at CENTERSTAGE but I get housed for FREE and I have the opportunity to bar tend at one of their 4 or so bars for extra money during events! I'm so excited! I'll be doing graphic design there too. So at the end of next year, I'll have had a full year of graphic design experience with this and Wolf Trap! All very exciting.
So now I am just excited to graduate and get the hell out of here. I'm sure I will miss it, but I will be about 15 minutes from school next year at CENTERSTAGE so I could always come back and visit if I want, but I don't have to see anyone here that I don't like! Win all around, I think.
4.19.2010
April 19, 8:51am, Eastern Standard Time, from here on in I shoot without a script
Pardon my Rent reference.
I wasn't going to write a post this morning. I thought about it on the way down here to work and decided against it on the grounds that I should be doing work instead of pondering my life. I also vowed that I wouldn't waste time on Facebook. Forty-five minutes of Facebook stalking and blog reading under my belt, here I sit. Updating. Because of what Blythe's blog stirred up haha.
I'll summarize what I commented there (which may have gotten lost in cyberspace because it didn't show up after I submitted it) even though the two of you are the only ones who read this. I'll summarize for any potential stalkers because I think it would be exciting to have a secret reader. Anyway, enough of my dreams. I was thinking about how the prospect of graduation is affecting me. Let me give bullet points:
1) Into the Woods just ended. I miss the cast. I didn't even get to hang out with them. It's weird. I don't like it and I feel like it's bothering me more than it should.
2) Why? Probably because I will never see these people again in a month's time. It's so weird. I think that's my biggest problem with it. They will just be acquaintances I once did a play with. I have a big aversion to losing friends and growing apart from people. I feel like I want to hold on to people who have positively interacted with me forever. I realize that it isn't possible and it bothers me.
3) Now that the show is over, I have a lot of work to do to get the hell out of here - despite how much it scares me to get the hell out of here. So much work to do in fact that it makes me not want to care about any of it because it is just so stressful. Do I need a break? I don't think so. I think I need a vacation. Time away from everything and everyone that has been floating around in my brain for the past few weeks. It's too crowded in my brain right now.
Things that are stressing me out/exciting me/going to shape my future:
1) SCHOOL WORK - tons of it. I got behind during Into the Woods and wasn't able to fully catch up last week because I was so sick. But Monique, you are graduating in a month, why are you so stressed out? Just pass your classes and move on. Right? Wrong. I need A's. Why? Because...
2) I'm one of 6 finalists for Valedictorian which I am SO excited about but it's SO MUCH pressure. Before, I got A's because I wanted to. Now, I HAVE to get A's if I want this. The interview is this Thursday. I'll be interviewing in front of like 5 doctors. It's so strange. I'm not even nervous. Just concerned that I have no idea at ALL what they're going to be asking me. Unlike my...
3) Job interviews - well internship interviews. I, as I believe I said already, have managed to secure a summer internship. Whoo! Good. Now I am about to go in for my second round of interviews to be a Production Apprentice at a theatre called Imagination Stage in Bethesda, MD. These interviews are no surprise. "Why do you want to work here?" "What are your skills?" "Why is theatre important?" But what the hell are they going to ask at a VALEDICTORIAN interview? "Why are you better than the 4000 people you are graduating with?" How am I supposed to answer that?
And the surprising part is that I haven't even been feeling that stressed out. Not until today when I tried to figure out why I'm feeling so weird and out of sorts. I just felt like something isn't right and I couldn't put my finger on it. I tried blaming it on weird things but when I stepped back, I think I'm freaking out a lot more about all of these things than I thought I was. I think I'm just like psychologically imploding - as opposed to my usual psychological explosion during these times. Does that make sense? Instead of blowing up and having a nervous breakdown about all of the due dates and obligations, I'm just shutting down from the inside. Slowly, quietly, and discretely. It's a strange feeling.
Not that I am making it any better by sitting here writing in this blog instead of working on some of my projects to lighten my load a bit...
I wasn't going to write a post this morning. I thought about it on the way down here to work and decided against it on the grounds that I should be doing work instead of pondering my life. I also vowed that I wouldn't waste time on Facebook. Forty-five minutes of Facebook stalking and blog reading under my belt, here I sit. Updating. Because of what Blythe's blog stirred up haha.
I'll summarize what I commented there (which may have gotten lost in cyberspace because it didn't show up after I submitted it) even though the two of you are the only ones who read this. I'll summarize for any potential stalkers because I think it would be exciting to have a secret reader. Anyway, enough of my dreams. I was thinking about how the prospect of graduation is affecting me. Let me give bullet points:
1) Into the Woods just ended. I miss the cast. I didn't even get to hang out with them. It's weird. I don't like it and I feel like it's bothering me more than it should.
2) Why? Probably because I will never see these people again in a month's time. It's so weird. I think that's my biggest problem with it. They will just be acquaintances I once did a play with. I have a big aversion to losing friends and growing apart from people. I feel like I want to hold on to people who have positively interacted with me forever. I realize that it isn't possible and it bothers me.
3) Now that the show is over, I have a lot of work to do to get the hell out of here - despite how much it scares me to get the hell out of here. So much work to do in fact that it makes me not want to care about any of it because it is just so stressful. Do I need a break? I don't think so. I think I need a vacation. Time away from everything and everyone that has been floating around in my brain for the past few weeks. It's too crowded in my brain right now.
Things that are stressing me out/exciting me/going to shape my future:
1) SCHOOL WORK - tons of it. I got behind during Into the Woods and wasn't able to fully catch up last week because I was so sick. But Monique, you are graduating in a month, why are you so stressed out? Just pass your classes and move on. Right? Wrong. I need A's. Why? Because...
2) I'm one of 6 finalists for Valedictorian which I am SO excited about but it's SO MUCH pressure. Before, I got A's because I wanted to. Now, I HAVE to get A's if I want this. The interview is this Thursday. I'll be interviewing in front of like 5 doctors. It's so strange. I'm not even nervous. Just concerned that I have no idea at ALL what they're going to be asking me. Unlike my...
3) Job interviews - well internship interviews. I, as I believe I said already, have managed to secure a summer internship. Whoo! Good. Now I am about to go in for my second round of interviews to be a Production Apprentice at a theatre called Imagination Stage in Bethesda, MD. These interviews are no surprise. "Why do you want to work here?" "What are your skills?" "Why is theatre important?" But what the hell are they going to ask at a VALEDICTORIAN interview? "Why are you better than the 4000 people you are graduating with?" How am I supposed to answer that?
And the surprising part is that I haven't even been feeling that stressed out. Not until today when I tried to figure out why I'm feeling so weird and out of sorts. I just felt like something isn't right and I couldn't put my finger on it. I tried blaming it on weird things but when I stepped back, I think I'm freaking out a lot more about all of these things than I thought I was. I think I'm just like psychologically imploding - as opposed to my usual psychological explosion during these times. Does that make sense? Instead of blowing up and having a nervous breakdown about all of the due dates and obligations, I'm just shutting down from the inside. Slowly, quietly, and discretely. It's a strange feeling.
Not that I am making it any better by sitting here writing in this blog instead of working on some of my projects to lighten my load a bit...
4.05.2010
Instead of Doing That Which I'm Supposed To
Well, well, well. It's been a while, hasn't it? I knew this would happen. Oh well. Lot's of things have changed since we last spoke (yes I realize that I am talking as if this inanimate website is a person with which I converse.) (Also, on a complete side note, "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan just came on Pandora and made my morning).
Aaaaanywho, let's see.
Today is my one year anniversary! Crazy. It doesn't feel like a year. Years seem very short these days. I feel that this is a byproduct of aging and I don't like it. I much prefer the time when a school year seemed like an eternity, not a blink. School is about to end. Forever. I don't think I like it. I'm not sure though. I mean, I love the idea of being able to come home from work and not necessarily have any obligations. I realize this is not completely true because artists are always working but it will be much better. No "homework." I'm really looking forward to that. However, I've been so good at school for so long that it is a scary thought to now embark on something other. Weird.
I have a summer internship though! At the Wolf Trap Foundation for the Performing Arts in Vienna, VA (20 mins out of DC). Now I just have to find a place to live for the summer that is cheap enough to maintain on my tiny salary. I also have an interview for a season long internship at Imagination Stage in Bethesda, MD on Thursday the 15th. Crazy. I haven't heard back yet from some of the other internships I applied to. And then there is still the matter of applying to Graphic Design jobs which I haven't done yet. Ugh. I just hate having to think about the future when I have assignments due tomorrow. It's so stressful. It's moments like those that make me long for the end of school.
I don't even know what I want to do with myself. I can speculate and I can go through the motions of doing whatever I end up with but I just can't decide. There isn't one thing that I can honestly say that I want to do for the rest of my life. And I hate that I feel like I have to decide like RIGHT NOW. I don't really; I know that. But sometimes I feel like I do. People just have such high expectations. Sometimes, I wish I had a moment to breathe and take it all in before I am forced to act. A moment of thoughtfulness could go a long way in decision making. And I like being busy! I just hate feeling out of control (like I do right now). However, the line between those two things is getting very thin.
It's a scary time.
Aaaaanywho, let's see.
Today is my one year anniversary! Crazy. It doesn't feel like a year. Years seem very short these days. I feel that this is a byproduct of aging and I don't like it. I much prefer the time when a school year seemed like an eternity, not a blink. School is about to end. Forever. I don't think I like it. I'm not sure though. I mean, I love the idea of being able to come home from work and not necessarily have any obligations. I realize this is not completely true because artists are always working but it will be much better. No "homework." I'm really looking forward to that. However, I've been so good at school for so long that it is a scary thought to now embark on something other. Weird.
I have a summer internship though! At the Wolf Trap Foundation for the Performing Arts in Vienna, VA (20 mins out of DC). Now I just have to find a place to live for the summer that is cheap enough to maintain on my tiny salary. I also have an interview for a season long internship at Imagination Stage in Bethesda, MD on Thursday the 15th. Crazy. I haven't heard back yet from some of the other internships I applied to. And then there is still the matter of applying to Graphic Design jobs which I haven't done yet. Ugh. I just hate having to think about the future when I have assignments due tomorrow. It's so stressful. It's moments like those that make me long for the end of school.
I don't even know what I want to do with myself. I can speculate and I can go through the motions of doing whatever I end up with but I just can't decide. There isn't one thing that I can honestly say that I want to do for the rest of my life. And I hate that I feel like I have to decide like RIGHT NOW. I don't really; I know that. But sometimes I feel like I do. People just have such high expectations. Sometimes, I wish I had a moment to breathe and take it all in before I am forced to act. A moment of thoughtfulness could go a long way in decision making. And I like being busy! I just hate feeling out of control (like I do right now). However, the line between those two things is getting very thin.
It's a scary time.
3.07.2010
Something Awesome?!
I have about ten minutes before work is over so I figure I'll do a quick update because I have been sucking - as usual - at keeping up with this blog. I am terrible at keeping blogs. Especially because I vowed that this one would be more devoted to art than to my daily life, I feel like there isn't much for me to say at this point in my life. I'm just trying to get through my last semester of college and figure out what I am going to do with myself next year. This weekend I applied to 3 more theatre internships. Hopefully I get one of them. I think that would be the best thing for me to do next year. Not a TON of money but something steady and concrete - which will be nice.
In other news, the show went well! Crazy actresses aside, everything was more or less a success! So that's good! They are probably holding a talkback right now and will move on to strike the show - which I don't have to be at as a designer! That's SO AWESOME. Strike always sucks. You're tired after doing a show and you have to put everything away - boo.
In other other news, I vowed I wouldn't mention anything until I found out more about it but seeing as there are two of you who read this and I am really excited about it, I figure here is a safe place to talk about it. Also, I hear that word has leaked out anyway because I was just approached my one of my most gossipy friends about it yesterday - so really it's only a matter of time before people start finding out. I was approached by the chair of the theatre department on Wednesday night at the show who told me that he was going to try to nominate me for... VALEDICTORIAN! WHAT?! Nothing is set in stone yet so I shouldn't be spreading anything around but I'm pretty excited. I want to know more about it. I know there is a nomination process in which there are interviews and essays and such but I don't know if the chair is trying to get me nominated to BE a nominee or if hes actually nominating me officially. Does that make sense? Like - if I've made it to the semifinals or the finals. Either way, I will hopefully be receiving more info soon. He is going to try talking to some of my other professors about it and get them to send in recommendation letters and such. AHH. I'll definitely let you know what happens.
In other news, the show went well! Crazy actresses aside, everything was more or less a success! So that's good! They are probably holding a talkback right now and will move on to strike the show - which I don't have to be at as a designer! That's SO AWESOME. Strike always sucks. You're tired after doing a show and you have to put everything away - boo.
In other other news, I vowed I wouldn't mention anything until I found out more about it but seeing as there are two of you who read this and I am really excited about it, I figure here is a safe place to talk about it. Also, I hear that word has leaked out anyway because I was just approached my one of my most gossipy friends about it yesterday - so really it's only a matter of time before people start finding out. I was approached by the chair of the theatre department on Wednesday night at the show who told me that he was going to try to nominate me for... VALEDICTORIAN! WHAT?! Nothing is set in stone yet so I shouldn't be spreading anything around but I'm pretty excited. I want to know more about it. I know there is a nomination process in which there are interviews and essays and such but I don't know if the chair is trying to get me nominated to BE a nominee or if hes actually nominating me officially. Does that make sense? Like - if I've made it to the semifinals or the finals. Either way, I will hopefully be receiving more info soon. He is going to try talking to some of my other professors about it and get them to send in recommendation letters and such. AHH. I'll definitely let you know what happens.
3.02.2010
The Novice Artist
I'm currently in tech for the Theatre Department's play series entitled Grrl Parts. It's a collection of commissioned and contest-winning play premiers with dominant roles (parts..."Grrl Parts") for women. There are three in this year's festival. I am designing costumes for one of them entitled This Girl I Used to Know. It is a modern retelling of the Minerva and Arachne myth.
It's been an interesting process to say the least. Let me start by saying that it has been a LOT of fun and the incident I am about to describe in no way dampens the experience.
This is the first time I've designed costumes alone for a department show (I've done club shows a few times, and I've assisted a few more). The director is...well, a bit of a challenge. She has very strong opinions about the visual aspects of the show but is not particularly good at conveying those opinions in a way that can allow me to quickly and easily fix the problem. To top it off, though she has such strong opinions, she cannot visualize things in her head. So if I say "Ok, you don't like this shirt. Would you prefer something more like a (insert description)" she says something like "Oh why don't we try that tomorrow, I'd have to see it." I am about to go to the mall today for about the 10th time in search of yet ANOTHER shirt for one of my actresses because she has to SEE everything before she makes judgment. Did I mention, also, that she is about 8 months pregnant?
I understand that not everyone is a visually driven person so this doesn't bother me terribly much (aside from the Arundel Mills Mall eating my gas money). What bothers me most is that now the actress (a freshman) has decided to begin including her input as well. She actually went around telling me and the director that she doesn't like one of her shirts last night, that it doesn't fit with her character, and that we should get a new one. She walks into the costume shop to ask me something and then adds, "Oh yeah and Colette is gonna talk to you about this shirt, I mean I'll wear it today but I don't like it. It's not something my character would wear I don't think." For the record, I disagree with her. As do the others in the costume shop. I didn't say anything at the time because I couldn't think of something nice enough to say but here are some versions of what I would have said if I didn't care about niceties:
- Oh really? Did I miss the moment where the program note switched to (her name), costume designer?
- Except what you think about the shirt doesn't matter, BECAUSE I AM THE DESIGNER.
- Actually, this is a conversation for me and the director. You'll wear what I hand you.
- Oh? Tough shit.
Any of those would do. But see, it's never very nice to tell someone that their opinion doesn't matter. And on top of that - as a fellow student, I don't think I should have been the one to do it. There were two teachers standing right next to me. They should have said something. Which they did - when the girl walked out of the room. I also feel bad because this actress means well, really. She was trying to help in the same way that she was used to in high school or clubs where everyone collaborated on costumes and other technical elements of shows. She hasn't been introduced to the professional world yet where actors go to fittings and say nothing but "yes this fits" or "no, this is a bit loose/tight." So who am I to say that her opinion doesn't count when I'm only three years older than her?
In the production meeting after the run, it got to a point where the director was suggesting that we get the girl to bring in some of her own shirts to try. FINALLY the stand-in Costume Shop Supervisor (our real one is on sabatacle and NEVER would have let this happen) said, "I hate using actors clothes. First of all, theater has the ability to destroy things. Second of all, and most importantly, you are diminishing Monique's job. She is the designer. Let her design the show. Let her pick the shirt." The director felt really bad after that and I was a bit embarrassed but I think it had to be said. No one was trying to take my job on purpose but it was becoming a collaboration between too many people. The less people with their hands inside the wardrobe, the easier it is for everyone to agree, oddly enough, because people accept their place and move on.
As I said though, this really hasn't put a bad taste in my mouth. It's just a testament to my lack of experience. Should I have stuck up for myself? Am I still to young to do so? Everyone in the costume shop after the meeting seemed to be behind me and thanked Celestine for sticking up for me. I just feel like I'm so young, you know - too young to be telling people to back off my job. Though, if the department is trying to teach their students how to work in professional theater, then they should treat their students as professionals when they are in positions of power, yes?
Am I wrong?
It's been an interesting process to say the least. Let me start by saying that it has been a LOT of fun and the incident I am about to describe in no way dampens the experience.
This is the first time I've designed costumes alone for a department show (I've done club shows a few times, and I've assisted a few more). The director is...well, a bit of a challenge. She has very strong opinions about the visual aspects of the show but is not particularly good at conveying those opinions in a way that can allow me to quickly and easily fix the problem. To top it off, though she has such strong opinions, she cannot visualize things in her head. So if I say "Ok, you don't like this shirt. Would you prefer something more like a (insert description)" she says something like "Oh why don't we try that tomorrow, I'd have to see it." I am about to go to the mall today for about the 10th time in search of yet ANOTHER shirt for one of my actresses because she has to SEE everything before she makes judgment. Did I mention, also, that she is about 8 months pregnant?
I understand that not everyone is a visually driven person so this doesn't bother me terribly much (aside from the Arundel Mills Mall eating my gas money). What bothers me most is that now the actress (a freshman) has decided to begin including her input as well. She actually went around telling me and the director that she doesn't like one of her shirts last night, that it doesn't fit with her character, and that we should get a new one. She walks into the costume shop to ask me something and then adds, "Oh yeah and Colette is gonna talk to you about this shirt, I mean I'll wear it today but I don't like it. It's not something my character would wear I don't think." For the record, I disagree with her. As do the others in the costume shop. I didn't say anything at the time because I couldn't think of something nice enough to say but here are some versions of what I would have said if I didn't care about niceties:
- Oh really? Did I miss the moment where the program note switched to (her name), costume designer?
- Except what you think about the shirt doesn't matter, BECAUSE I AM THE DESIGNER.
- Actually, this is a conversation for me and the director. You'll wear what I hand you.
- Oh? Tough shit.
Any of those would do. But see, it's never very nice to tell someone that their opinion doesn't matter. And on top of that - as a fellow student, I don't think I should have been the one to do it. There were two teachers standing right next to me. They should have said something. Which they did - when the girl walked out of the room. I also feel bad because this actress means well, really. She was trying to help in the same way that she was used to in high school or clubs where everyone collaborated on costumes and other technical elements of shows. She hasn't been introduced to the professional world yet where actors go to fittings and say nothing but "yes this fits" or "no, this is a bit loose/tight." So who am I to say that her opinion doesn't count when I'm only three years older than her?
In the production meeting after the run, it got to a point where the director was suggesting that we get the girl to bring in some of her own shirts to try. FINALLY the stand-in Costume Shop Supervisor (our real one is on sabatacle and NEVER would have let this happen) said, "I hate using actors clothes. First of all, theater has the ability to destroy things. Second of all, and most importantly, you are diminishing Monique's job. She is the designer. Let her design the show. Let her pick the shirt." The director felt really bad after that and I was a bit embarrassed but I think it had to be said. No one was trying to take my job on purpose but it was becoming a collaboration between too many people. The less people with their hands inside the wardrobe, the easier it is for everyone to agree, oddly enough, because people accept their place and move on.
As I said though, this really hasn't put a bad taste in my mouth. It's just a testament to my lack of experience. Should I have stuck up for myself? Am I still to young to do so? Everyone in the costume shop after the meeting seemed to be behind me and thanked Celestine for sticking up for me. I just feel like I'm so young, you know - too young to be telling people to back off my job. Though, if the department is trying to teach their students how to work in professional theater, then they should treat their students as professionals when they are in positions of power, yes?
Am I wrong?
2.14.2010
Motivation
Motivation is such an interesting thing. I find that the worst part about any task is actually just beginning it. However, regardless of whether or not I continually remind myself of this fact, I still struggle with motivation at times. Usually, it happens when I have a large chunk of time to devote to something. I just waste time! The busier I am, the more I get done - which I know is true for many people but it seems so annoying to me. I have to learn more self discipline. "Yes, I have a lot of free time today, so I need to finish what I have to get done before I am allowed to waste time." I just have to do it. Really, it's as simple as that. I just have to start. When I still watched Heroes, I was struck by something that Hiro's mother said in a flashback once "If you fix it today, you don't have to worry about it tomorrow."
She is right.
She is right.
2.11.2010
Scanner
I have to say that these things always confuse me a bit when I start them. The interface is easy enough but there are so many different profile names/bio updates/about me sections/etc that it's annoying to figure out what to include about yourself and where to include it!
That said, the topic of the day is scanners. Why don't I have one? I am a graphic design and costume design major. I have a website with an online portfolio. I have teachers who love to see sketches via email. Why, then, do I have absolutely no way of transferring my work to the computer? Ridiculous, I know. They're not even expensive! I checked Walmart.com yesterday, haha. Now, if only I had a paycheck with which to purchase such a scanner, I'd be set. I am currently poor. Which is not to say that I have no money - I just havent been paid! It's driving me nuts. If I didn't work, it would be one thing - I'd deserve my poverty. However, I know quite well how much money is sitting around in an office somewhere with my name on it; and that is what bothers me the most. I'm looking to get a big flatbed scanner. I've used my family's scanner at home but it's too small to fit my renderings, which are 11x14. Once I get a scanner, I'll start posting work. Yes, that is what I'll do.
On another unrelated note, I've been having a thought recently. I find it interesting that I chose to go to school for art because I liked making art - and yet I am so busy with class assignments that I don't have time to actually make the art I like. Of course I should be appreciating the art that goes along with class work - and sometimes I do. But sometimes I don't. Really. At all. Sometimes, I miss the days of sitting around a still life listening to Mr. Wangberg say "go darker." Or sitting in my room drawing a picture of Johnny Depp because I felt like it. I have a list of inspirational artistic... things... I guess. I don't know what I'd call them - just "inspirations" maybe, that I have acquired over the past year or so. It is on a "sticky note" on the dashboard of my laptop. My plan is to make some kind of art that reflects each of those things someday. As you can see, it's going well... The only non-class-related art I make anymore is for gifts. So I'll draw something, say "Oh how nice!" and then give it away. Sad, really. That's the curse of a double major I guess.
Now that school is practically over though, it scares me. I always thought I was doing so much better than most other people for keeping so busy throughout school - but I'm now coming to realize that drowning myself in college curriculum and clubs didn't help me prepare as much as I should have for "real life." I didn't have time for an internship - and I feel like that is going to seriously bite me in the ass. Hopefully I can make up for my lack of professional experience with my obvious overinvolvement in other areas. Time will tell, I guess.
That said, the topic of the day is scanners. Why don't I have one? I am a graphic design and costume design major. I have a website with an online portfolio. I have teachers who love to see sketches via email. Why, then, do I have absolutely no way of transferring my work to the computer? Ridiculous, I know. They're not even expensive! I checked Walmart.com yesterday, haha. Now, if only I had a paycheck with which to purchase such a scanner, I'd be set. I am currently poor. Which is not to say that I have no money - I just havent been paid! It's driving me nuts. If I didn't work, it would be one thing - I'd deserve my poverty. However, I know quite well how much money is sitting around in an office somewhere with my name on it; and that is what bothers me the most. I'm looking to get a big flatbed scanner. I've used my family's scanner at home but it's too small to fit my renderings, which are 11x14. Once I get a scanner, I'll start posting work. Yes, that is what I'll do.
On another unrelated note, I've been having a thought recently. I find it interesting that I chose to go to school for art because I liked making art - and yet I am so busy with class assignments that I don't have time to actually make the art I like. Of course I should be appreciating the art that goes along with class work - and sometimes I do. But sometimes I don't. Really. At all. Sometimes, I miss the days of sitting around a still life listening to Mr. Wangberg say "go darker." Or sitting in my room drawing a picture of Johnny Depp because I felt like it. I have a list of inspirational artistic... things... I guess. I don't know what I'd call them - just "inspirations" maybe, that I have acquired over the past year or so. It is on a "sticky note" on the dashboard of my laptop. My plan is to make some kind of art that reflects each of those things someday. As you can see, it's going well... The only non-class-related art I make anymore is for gifts. So I'll draw something, say "Oh how nice!" and then give it away. Sad, really. That's the curse of a double major I guess.
Now that school is practically over though, it scares me. I always thought I was doing so much better than most other people for keeping so busy throughout school - but I'm now coming to realize that drowning myself in college curriculum and clubs didn't help me prepare as much as I should have for "real life." I didn't have time for an internship - and I feel like that is going to seriously bite me in the ass. Hopefully I can make up for my lack of professional experience with my obvious overinvolvement in other areas. Time will tell, I guess.
Here We Go Again
The concept of a blog fascinates me. The name itself is ridiculous - blog - sounds ominous - in 1972, a blog would have been something you'd see in a b-rated horror film. Have we become so egotistical that we now have to display our view of the world publicly on the internet? Or is it more for reassurance? Do private diaries no longer satisfy? I guess not; because here I am beginning my third reincarnation of some form of "blog" stemming from my freshman year of high school - when having a Xanga was the cool thing to do.
My goal with this blog, however, is to comment on art as I see it, the world as I see it, and life as I see it. I appreciate blogs when they belong to artists. It is one thing to view an artist's work. It is yet another thing to hear them speak about their work. You feel more connected to the art - or at the very least, to the inspiration behind it.
As my college career comes to a close, I hope to define myself as an artist. I can't promote myself to an employer until I know for sure who I am. My hope is that this blog will be an avenue for that discovery.
My goal with this blog, however, is to comment on art as I see it, the world as I see it, and life as I see it. I appreciate blogs when they belong to artists. It is one thing to view an artist's work. It is yet another thing to hear them speak about their work. You feel more connected to the art - or at the very least, to the inspiration behind it.
As my college career comes to a close, I hope to define myself as an artist. I can't promote myself to an employer until I know for sure who I am. My hope is that this blog will be an avenue for that discovery.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)