I feel a need to post but I have nothing much to say...
I would love to be a person that consistently keeps a blog. However, as evidenced by the archive in my right rail, it is very clear that at around the 4th or 5th month of relatively consistent posting, I end up forgetting about blogging with the next installment of "Monique is in her 20s—here is another major life change."
I would like to work on consistency. While variety (the spice of life) is of utmost importance to me, I find that I tend to crave some semblance of routine—a few things about which I can say "Yes, I do this consistently." Aikido is really the only thing that fits that description right now. That's fine. That's probably more than a lot of people my age can say.
I visited my family this weekend. It was nice—always is. The more time I spend separated from them, though, the more I realize how different my life has become. My life-goals (if I have any life-goals) don't necessarily mimic theirs anymore. And I feel like I have been fighting this internal battle of who I want to be versus who my family expects me to be. I know that if push came to shove, they would accept pretty much whatever I threw at them. They have always been supportive; but not without judgment. And, I don't know. Some of the roads I've been compelled to follow lately don't lend themselves well to their acceptance.
Sometimes, it's nice to visit, but then it's nice to get away. I find that to be true for more than just my family.
Makes me want to fly away somewhere get lost in anonymity.
2 comments:
For the record, I like any post you write! Also, in my experience, if you spend too much time away from your family, they become basically strangers and you don't know how to relate at all. Or maybe I just get bitter because there is judgement and questions and superiority and I'm like "whatever, you don't know anything anymore!"
I tend to agree. And I am arguably much closer to my family—it's always been a thing for us—family sticks together. We love each other. We support each other. We eat pasta. Blah blah blah. But sometimes, like you said, I feel like a total stranger to them. I really do.
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