Quick Update

Time for a quick update because I desperately want to avoid falling out of touch with this blog. I cannot even believe that this is my LAST WEEK of freelancing before I start my new job. Didn't I just accept the position yesterday? Where has the time gone?! What?! All very exciting but I am starting to feel the effects of my procrastination creeping up on me.

No regrets though. As stated several times before, these past few months of relative ease and relaxation have been instrumental. Like hitting a re-set button. Do I feel 100% in control of every aspect of my life? Hardly. Does one ever? But do I feel like I have a direction now? Yes. I really fucking do. This job may bore me to death. The government hoopla may tire me. But you know what? It may not! And since I will be compensated like the educated professional I actually am, I will be able to stomach a whole lot more. I have no predictions for the day-to-day. I'm a little scared, a little excited, a little apprehensive...but mostly, I'm saying "Bring it on." I'm ready to lay the "job" question to rest for a little while. I'm ready to concentrate on other aspects of my life.

I've already seen a huge jump in mental priority in this past month. Without having to worry about the job thing anymore, I find myself thinking a lot more about Aikido. This is one of those cyclical things: since I've been freelancing, the only place I physically GO during the week is Aikido:: so it's been my only source of human interaction:: therefore I've been thinking about it a lot more:: therefore I attend class a lot more:: and on and on in a circle. Additionally, one of my instructors has given me a few Aikido-centric books that have opened up some incredibly interesting discussions about some of the art's less-obvious themes/problems/etc. The first book is a collection of interviews with high-ranking women aikidoka (people who do Aikido). I blew through that one in about 3 days. It brought up a lot of interesting things about a woman's place in the dojo, the nature of her path through the art, and the nature of her interactions with fellow students and teachers. The current book is essentially the opposite: it takes a very male approach to the Aikido discussion but not in an annoying way. I've been reading this one a lot slower because it delves into some pretty complex topics that are a bit over my head at this point in my training but I find it fascinating. The book is described on the jacket as being "an evil twin" to the perfect martial arts book. I can see why. It takes a very in-your-face, not-everything-in-this-world-is-pretty kind of approach that I find refreshing. There is no need to walk around like a king because you know a lot of really cool martial arts moves. What are the real implications of this knowledge? What does it really provide you? What responsibility does it leave you? How do these things fit within an otherwise normal lifestyle?

I've reached a point in my training (almost 2 years) where I'm starting to question things a bit. I've been doing the "place my foot here because you told me to" thing for a while now. Since it is fairly obvious that I plan to see this through to at least first degree black belt (and probably beyond), I'm taking a good hard look at the way I'm shaping my training and the things I hope to get out of it. Exciting—but also complex. I don't know. Something to think about.