Pardon my Rent reference.
I wasn't going to write a post this morning. I thought about it on the way down here to work and decided against it on the grounds that I should be doing work instead of pondering my life. I also vowed that I wouldn't waste time on Facebook. Forty-five minutes of Facebook stalking and blog reading under my belt, here I sit. Updating. Because of what Blythe's blog stirred up haha.
I'll summarize what I commented there (which may have gotten lost in cyberspace because it didn't show up after I submitted it) even though the two of you are the only ones who read this. I'll summarize for any potential stalkers because I think it would be exciting to have a secret reader. Anyway, enough of my dreams. I was thinking about how the prospect of graduation is affecting me. Let me give bullet points:
1) Into the Woods just ended. I miss the cast. I didn't even get to hang out with them. It's weird. I don't like it and I feel like it's bothering me more than it should.
2) Why? Probably because I will never see these people again in a month's time. It's so weird. I think that's my biggest problem with it. They will just be acquaintances I once did a play with. I have a big aversion to losing friends and growing apart from people. I feel like I want to hold on to people who have positively interacted with me forever. I realize that it isn't possible and it bothers me.
3) Now that the show is over, I have a lot of work to do to get the hell out of here - despite how much it scares me to get the hell out of here. So much work to do in fact that it makes me not want to care about any of it because it is just so stressful. Do I need a break? I don't think so. I think I need a vacation. Time away from everything and everyone that has been floating around in my brain for the past few weeks. It's too crowded in my brain right now.
Things that are stressing me out/exciting me/going to shape my future:
1) SCHOOL WORK - tons of it. I got behind during Into the Woods and wasn't able to fully catch up last week because I was so sick. But Monique, you are graduating in a month, why are you so stressed out? Just pass your classes and move on. Right? Wrong. I need A's. Why? Because...
2) I'm one of 6 finalists for Valedictorian which I am SO excited about but it's SO MUCH pressure. Before, I got A's because I wanted to. Now, I HAVE to get A's if I want this. The interview is this Thursday. I'll be interviewing in front of like 5 doctors. It's so strange. I'm not even nervous. Just concerned that I have no idea at ALL what they're going to be asking me. Unlike my...
3) Job interviews - well internship interviews. I, as I believe I said already, have managed to secure a summer internship. Whoo! Good. Now I am about to go in for my second round of interviews to be a Production Apprentice at a theatre called Imagination Stage in Bethesda, MD. These interviews are no surprise. "Why do you want to work here?" "What are your skills?" "Why is theatre important?" But what the hell are they going to ask at a VALEDICTORIAN interview? "Why are you better than the 4000 people you are graduating with?" How am I supposed to answer that?
And the surprising part is that I haven't even been feeling that stressed out. Not until today when I tried to figure out why I'm feeling so weird and out of sorts. I just felt like something isn't right and I couldn't put my finger on it. I tried blaming it on weird things but when I stepped back, I think I'm freaking out a lot more about all of these things than I thought I was. I think I'm just like psychologically imploding - as opposed to my usual psychological explosion during these times. Does that make sense? Instead of blowing up and having a nervous breakdown about all of the due dates and obligations, I'm just shutting down from the inside. Slowly, quietly, and discretely. It's a strange feeling.
Not that I am making it any better by sitting here writing in this blog instead of working on some of my projects to lighten my load a bit...
3 comments:
First of all, if I didn't say it already: congratulations on your internship and possible valedictorianship!! Is that a word? I don't know. But CONGRATS! I'm certain you deserve both.
Secondly, I understand, partly, where you're coming from. I'm feeling ridiculously stressed even though I have only 2 weeks of class left. I have a 25-page paper that needs writing, but more importantly I have to prepare my portfolio for the Sophie Kerr Prize. All graduating seniors can submit a literary portfolio, and being the one student who wins means winning something like $60,000! Insane. I have no idea what my chances of actually winning are, but obviously I want to put forth the best portfolio I possibly can.
...Making for some major stress in these last two weeks. So yeah, in that sense, I am Stressed. Capital S.
On the other hand, I have my summer planned out so I don't feel too worried about the future. I have time to plan it out. It's great that you have an internship already; at least you have something concrete to look forward to, right?
Anyway, this is all just to say that I feel ya. And good luck with the rest of your semester; I know it's hollow comfort right now, but I'm sure things will turn out okay in the end.
Thanks, Claire. And good luck with your portfolio! That sounds awesome!
1. In response to your last last paragraph, I DO thinking blogging helps. Organize your thoughts. Let it out. Plus, I basically GUARANTEE Claire and I aren't the only ones reading. And if we are, it won't be for long. Blogs are awesome. YOUR blog is awesome!
2. I second Claire's congratulations!!
3. It seems like you might as well go with implosion... Seems just as good as the alternative. And on a related note, transitions just suck.
4. I honestly can't think of what they would ask in a valedictorian interview either! I am interested to find out! But actually, I think it is less stressful if you don't know questions, because that means you can't prepare and thus you can't REALLY f it up.
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