I thought it might be nice to write an actual entry - not just an "oh hey, I remembered that I started this thing" pity entry.
Life has been interesting. Interesting is the diplomatic word I've been using to describe my situation. Lonely would be another. Less lonely now than a month and a half ago but no where near where I'd like it. Let me elaborate. I live in a house with a kind older woman and a fairly quiet grad student (and a dog!). For the most part, the three (four) of us do our own thing. Occasionally we'll have a meal or watch tv together but we pretty much just coexist. It's really not a bad setup, I must say, but coupled with the fact that I don't talk to very many people at work, you can see how it might get a little old after a while. Thankfully I talk to Shane every night and we usually see each other anywhere from 1-3 times a week - which is impressive considering we live an hour away from one another. Though I guess an hour is a whole lost closer than two and a half hours which is the distance from my home to his.
Wolf Trap has been quite the experience. Again, diplomatic. I think the internship program is wonderful. We are treated like employees instead of interns which for most of us is fantastic and for others of us is a bit less than fantastic. I'm learning a LOT about the nit picky details of graphic design - a nit picky field of work in general. Mostly I'm learning the hard way - by screwing up and having to fix it - but hey, I'm learning. Sometimes I wish I'd learn first before having to redo the work 50 times, but I guess I have to take what I'm given. My supervisor has offered to help me with my resume. I thought that was nice of her. I'll definitely take her up on that offer although sometimes I feel like our artistic opinions differ greatly; so I'll take what she says and apply it the best I can to my own style.
I enjoy all of the intern talks and field trips that we get to experience. I really appreciate the opportunities that they're throwing at us in that respect. When I get a moment of free time, I plan to exploit some of those connections if only to pick their brains about their lives in an effort to give some direction to my own. I feel rather directionless right now. When this internship ends, I have another - but when that ends I have no idea what I'm going to do. I can tell you right now that it won't be anything like what I'm doing now. It's not for me. But then the question is what can I do with my degrees that doesn't involve graphic design for an arts organization. The answer is A LOT, actually, if only by association. It puts me in a good and a bad position. I have so many things to choose from that I feel like I'm going to be very indecisive - which won't allow me to move up in any one field. At this point I feel like I'm going to be entry-level for years simply because I'm going to want to try so many new things - or because I'm never going to be satisfied. But then I realize that I'm probably just letting myself think too much. I assume because I don't love this job as much as I thought I would that every job is going to be a let down and that can't be true. Statistically, at least ONE has to be a positive experience, right? I sure hope so.
I just need to figure out which one that is...
7.15.2010
Hey There!
Ok, I forgot about this for a while. Post college life isn't quite what I thought it would be. I thought I would have more time. I don't haha. And yet I feel as though I am doing much less. The lady I live with is SO NICE. She's so nice. It is pleasant to come home to someone who is constantly so pleasant. The grad student who lives here is nice too but we don't see each other all that often because we're both so busy. When I'm not at work, I'm either seeing a show Wolf Trap, going home for the weekend, or going to visit Shane for the weekend. Busy times. The internship is interesting. It is definitely a great experience. I'm learning a LOT because I'm being given a lot of responsibility which is good. I just don't think that it's something I want to be doing for the rest of my life. I have reservations for a number of reasons - that I'd gladly elaborate on in person should you be interested. The true test will be when I do practically the same thing at CENTERSTAGE come September. If I don't like it then I know it's the work; if I do like it - well then maybe Wolf Trap and I are just not meant to be. Despite any reservations, though, I cannot deny how much I'm learning and I just hope that I can collect it all properly when I leave on August 20th in order to utilize the skills as best as I can in the future.
I'm a little behind on all of the design for the Theatre Department's season. I was without internet here for about 3 weeks so that put me behind and now that it's back, I'm sloooowly transitioning into working on all of that again, haha.
I'm a little behind on all of the design for the Theatre Department's season. I was without internet here for about 3 weeks so that put me behind and now that it's back, I'm sloooowly transitioning into working on all of that again, haha.
5.06.2010
Enter - Real Life
So school is winding down, folks. Much slower than anyone else perhaps because of how late we get out, but winding down nonetheless. I graduate on Monday, May 24th. Things are winding down homework-wise as well, ironically. The middle of the semester always seems to be the busiest for me so I'm just coasting toward the finish at this point. I have 2 projects and 1 final standing in my way currently.
In other news, I have updates!
1) Unfortunately, I did not get Valedictorian. They gave it to someone from Biology. It's ok though. Being a finalist was cool enough and the president is going to recognize me for that at graduation anyway, which is so cool!
2) I have a place to live in VA for the summer! Have I said this yet? I don't remember so I'm gonna say it again. It's in a cute little townhouse that I'd be sharing with the owner (an older woman) and a grad student from George Mason. There is a dog named Rudy and a pool involved. Happiness.
3) I have an internship at CENTERSTAGE in Baltimore for the 2010-2011 season! So I am now officially employed through next May! Wooo! I get very little money at CENTERSTAGE but I get housed for FREE and I have the opportunity to bar tend at one of their 4 or so bars for extra money during events! I'm so excited! I'll be doing graphic design there too. So at the end of next year, I'll have had a full year of graphic design experience with this and Wolf Trap! All very exciting.
So now I am just excited to graduate and get the hell out of here. I'm sure I will miss it, but I will be about 15 minutes from school next year at CENTERSTAGE so I could always come back and visit if I want, but I don't have to see anyone here that I don't like! Win all around, I think.
In other news, I have updates!
1) Unfortunately, I did not get Valedictorian. They gave it to someone from Biology. It's ok though. Being a finalist was cool enough and the president is going to recognize me for that at graduation anyway, which is so cool!
2) I have a place to live in VA for the summer! Have I said this yet? I don't remember so I'm gonna say it again. It's in a cute little townhouse that I'd be sharing with the owner (an older woman) and a grad student from George Mason. There is a dog named Rudy and a pool involved. Happiness.
3) I have an internship at CENTERSTAGE in Baltimore for the 2010-2011 season! So I am now officially employed through next May! Wooo! I get very little money at CENTERSTAGE but I get housed for FREE and I have the opportunity to bar tend at one of their 4 or so bars for extra money during events! I'm so excited! I'll be doing graphic design there too. So at the end of next year, I'll have had a full year of graphic design experience with this and Wolf Trap! All very exciting.
So now I am just excited to graduate and get the hell out of here. I'm sure I will miss it, but I will be about 15 minutes from school next year at CENTERSTAGE so I could always come back and visit if I want, but I don't have to see anyone here that I don't like! Win all around, I think.
4.19.2010
April 19, 8:51am, Eastern Standard Time, from here on in I shoot without a script
Pardon my Rent reference.
I wasn't going to write a post this morning. I thought about it on the way down here to work and decided against it on the grounds that I should be doing work instead of pondering my life. I also vowed that I wouldn't waste time on Facebook. Forty-five minutes of Facebook stalking and blog reading under my belt, here I sit. Updating. Because of what Blythe's blog stirred up haha.
I'll summarize what I commented there (which may have gotten lost in cyberspace because it didn't show up after I submitted it) even though the two of you are the only ones who read this. I'll summarize for any potential stalkers because I think it would be exciting to have a secret reader. Anyway, enough of my dreams. I was thinking about how the prospect of graduation is affecting me. Let me give bullet points:
1) Into the Woods just ended. I miss the cast. I didn't even get to hang out with them. It's weird. I don't like it and I feel like it's bothering me more than it should.
2) Why? Probably because I will never see these people again in a month's time. It's so weird. I think that's my biggest problem with it. They will just be acquaintances I once did a play with. I have a big aversion to losing friends and growing apart from people. I feel like I want to hold on to people who have positively interacted with me forever. I realize that it isn't possible and it bothers me.
3) Now that the show is over, I have a lot of work to do to get the hell out of here - despite how much it scares me to get the hell out of here. So much work to do in fact that it makes me not want to care about any of it because it is just so stressful. Do I need a break? I don't think so. I think I need a vacation. Time away from everything and everyone that has been floating around in my brain for the past few weeks. It's too crowded in my brain right now.
Things that are stressing me out/exciting me/going to shape my future:
1) SCHOOL WORK - tons of it. I got behind during Into the Woods and wasn't able to fully catch up last week because I was so sick. But Monique, you are graduating in a month, why are you so stressed out? Just pass your classes and move on. Right? Wrong. I need A's. Why? Because...
2) I'm one of 6 finalists for Valedictorian which I am SO excited about but it's SO MUCH pressure. Before, I got A's because I wanted to. Now, I HAVE to get A's if I want this. The interview is this Thursday. I'll be interviewing in front of like 5 doctors. It's so strange. I'm not even nervous. Just concerned that I have no idea at ALL what they're going to be asking me. Unlike my...
3) Job interviews - well internship interviews. I, as I believe I said already, have managed to secure a summer internship. Whoo! Good. Now I am about to go in for my second round of interviews to be a Production Apprentice at a theatre called Imagination Stage in Bethesda, MD. These interviews are no surprise. "Why do you want to work here?" "What are your skills?" "Why is theatre important?" But what the hell are they going to ask at a VALEDICTORIAN interview? "Why are you better than the 4000 people you are graduating with?" How am I supposed to answer that?
And the surprising part is that I haven't even been feeling that stressed out. Not until today when I tried to figure out why I'm feeling so weird and out of sorts. I just felt like something isn't right and I couldn't put my finger on it. I tried blaming it on weird things but when I stepped back, I think I'm freaking out a lot more about all of these things than I thought I was. I think I'm just like psychologically imploding - as opposed to my usual psychological explosion during these times. Does that make sense? Instead of blowing up and having a nervous breakdown about all of the due dates and obligations, I'm just shutting down from the inside. Slowly, quietly, and discretely. It's a strange feeling.
Not that I am making it any better by sitting here writing in this blog instead of working on some of my projects to lighten my load a bit...
I wasn't going to write a post this morning. I thought about it on the way down here to work and decided against it on the grounds that I should be doing work instead of pondering my life. I also vowed that I wouldn't waste time on Facebook. Forty-five minutes of Facebook stalking and blog reading under my belt, here I sit. Updating. Because of what Blythe's blog stirred up haha.
I'll summarize what I commented there (which may have gotten lost in cyberspace because it didn't show up after I submitted it) even though the two of you are the only ones who read this. I'll summarize for any potential stalkers because I think it would be exciting to have a secret reader. Anyway, enough of my dreams. I was thinking about how the prospect of graduation is affecting me. Let me give bullet points:
1) Into the Woods just ended. I miss the cast. I didn't even get to hang out with them. It's weird. I don't like it and I feel like it's bothering me more than it should.
2) Why? Probably because I will never see these people again in a month's time. It's so weird. I think that's my biggest problem with it. They will just be acquaintances I once did a play with. I have a big aversion to losing friends and growing apart from people. I feel like I want to hold on to people who have positively interacted with me forever. I realize that it isn't possible and it bothers me.
3) Now that the show is over, I have a lot of work to do to get the hell out of here - despite how much it scares me to get the hell out of here. So much work to do in fact that it makes me not want to care about any of it because it is just so stressful. Do I need a break? I don't think so. I think I need a vacation. Time away from everything and everyone that has been floating around in my brain for the past few weeks. It's too crowded in my brain right now.
Things that are stressing me out/exciting me/going to shape my future:
1) SCHOOL WORK - tons of it. I got behind during Into the Woods and wasn't able to fully catch up last week because I was so sick. But Monique, you are graduating in a month, why are you so stressed out? Just pass your classes and move on. Right? Wrong. I need A's. Why? Because...
2) I'm one of 6 finalists for Valedictorian which I am SO excited about but it's SO MUCH pressure. Before, I got A's because I wanted to. Now, I HAVE to get A's if I want this. The interview is this Thursday. I'll be interviewing in front of like 5 doctors. It's so strange. I'm not even nervous. Just concerned that I have no idea at ALL what they're going to be asking me. Unlike my...
3) Job interviews - well internship interviews. I, as I believe I said already, have managed to secure a summer internship. Whoo! Good. Now I am about to go in for my second round of interviews to be a Production Apprentice at a theatre called Imagination Stage in Bethesda, MD. These interviews are no surprise. "Why do you want to work here?" "What are your skills?" "Why is theatre important?" But what the hell are they going to ask at a VALEDICTORIAN interview? "Why are you better than the 4000 people you are graduating with?" How am I supposed to answer that?
And the surprising part is that I haven't even been feeling that stressed out. Not until today when I tried to figure out why I'm feeling so weird and out of sorts. I just felt like something isn't right and I couldn't put my finger on it. I tried blaming it on weird things but when I stepped back, I think I'm freaking out a lot more about all of these things than I thought I was. I think I'm just like psychologically imploding - as opposed to my usual psychological explosion during these times. Does that make sense? Instead of blowing up and having a nervous breakdown about all of the due dates and obligations, I'm just shutting down from the inside. Slowly, quietly, and discretely. It's a strange feeling.
Not that I am making it any better by sitting here writing in this blog instead of working on some of my projects to lighten my load a bit...
4.05.2010
Instead of Doing That Which I'm Supposed To
Well, well, well. It's been a while, hasn't it? I knew this would happen. Oh well. Lot's of things have changed since we last spoke (yes I realize that I am talking as if this inanimate website is a person with which I converse.) (Also, on a complete side note, "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan just came on Pandora and made my morning).
Aaaaanywho, let's see.
Today is my one year anniversary! Crazy. It doesn't feel like a year. Years seem very short these days. I feel that this is a byproduct of aging and I don't like it. I much prefer the time when a school year seemed like an eternity, not a blink. School is about to end. Forever. I don't think I like it. I'm not sure though. I mean, I love the idea of being able to come home from work and not necessarily have any obligations. I realize this is not completely true because artists are always working but it will be much better. No "homework." I'm really looking forward to that. However, I've been so good at school for so long that it is a scary thought to now embark on something other. Weird.
I have a summer internship though! At the Wolf Trap Foundation for the Performing Arts in Vienna, VA (20 mins out of DC). Now I just have to find a place to live for the summer that is cheap enough to maintain on my tiny salary. I also have an interview for a season long internship at Imagination Stage in Bethesda, MD on Thursday the 15th. Crazy. I haven't heard back yet from some of the other internships I applied to. And then there is still the matter of applying to Graphic Design jobs which I haven't done yet. Ugh. I just hate having to think about the future when I have assignments due tomorrow. It's so stressful. It's moments like those that make me long for the end of school.
I don't even know what I want to do with myself. I can speculate and I can go through the motions of doing whatever I end up with but I just can't decide. There isn't one thing that I can honestly say that I want to do for the rest of my life. And I hate that I feel like I have to decide like RIGHT NOW. I don't really; I know that. But sometimes I feel like I do. People just have such high expectations. Sometimes, I wish I had a moment to breathe and take it all in before I am forced to act. A moment of thoughtfulness could go a long way in decision making. And I like being busy! I just hate feeling out of control (like I do right now). However, the line between those two things is getting very thin.
It's a scary time.
Aaaaanywho, let's see.
Today is my one year anniversary! Crazy. It doesn't feel like a year. Years seem very short these days. I feel that this is a byproduct of aging and I don't like it. I much prefer the time when a school year seemed like an eternity, not a blink. School is about to end. Forever. I don't think I like it. I'm not sure though. I mean, I love the idea of being able to come home from work and not necessarily have any obligations. I realize this is not completely true because artists are always working but it will be much better. No "homework." I'm really looking forward to that. However, I've been so good at school for so long that it is a scary thought to now embark on something other. Weird.
I have a summer internship though! At the Wolf Trap Foundation for the Performing Arts in Vienna, VA (20 mins out of DC). Now I just have to find a place to live for the summer that is cheap enough to maintain on my tiny salary. I also have an interview for a season long internship at Imagination Stage in Bethesda, MD on Thursday the 15th. Crazy. I haven't heard back yet from some of the other internships I applied to. And then there is still the matter of applying to Graphic Design jobs which I haven't done yet. Ugh. I just hate having to think about the future when I have assignments due tomorrow. It's so stressful. It's moments like those that make me long for the end of school.
I don't even know what I want to do with myself. I can speculate and I can go through the motions of doing whatever I end up with but I just can't decide. There isn't one thing that I can honestly say that I want to do for the rest of my life. And I hate that I feel like I have to decide like RIGHT NOW. I don't really; I know that. But sometimes I feel like I do. People just have such high expectations. Sometimes, I wish I had a moment to breathe and take it all in before I am forced to act. A moment of thoughtfulness could go a long way in decision making. And I like being busy! I just hate feeling out of control (like I do right now). However, the line between those two things is getting very thin.
It's a scary time.
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