Transitioning for a Bit

Hey guys,

I think I'm going to transition to blogging via my website for a while. Here's the latest: New Years Resolution Post

If I feel the need to discuss anything that I don't want the whole internet to read, I'll come back over here but in the meantime, I want to try to post a little more frequently in the other blog. Art related, life related, whatever! Sooooo, if you're following my ever-so-infrequent posts through any sort of RSS feed, I would recommend adding this one to the list as well.

Vacation Chronicles #8

So I'm sitting in the airport waiting to board my flight home. It's been a wild ride: my backpack needs to be washed, I was in a magnitude 6.1 earthquake at 3:30 in the morning, I drank more wine in the last 7 days than I have in the last 7 months, I ate several new foods, I spent time with three people who I haven't seen regularly in over 5 years, and I attempted to forget about the stressors in my life. I think I mostly succeeded. It's very hard to concentrate with all of these noisy, stressed-out people around. Why are airports full of those? I should have brought earplugs. I need to invest in a really good, really strong pair. I would have several uses for them. Pixel is the largest of those reasons. Anywho...

I realize that perhaps I am putting a little too much pressure on this trip. I am expecting it to solve all of my problems but that is highly unlikely and highly unfair. So instead, I will consider it a success because I was able to forget about some things for a while, focus on some things without external pressure, talk about some things with outside sources, and see some absolutely beautiful sights.

The earthquake was insane. Truthfully I'm a little tired of talking about it but I'll attempt to recap for archival purposes. It's very strange to be suddenly awoken (awaken? What's the right word here?) by violent shaking. I was in the earthquake we had on the east coast a few years ago. It was a 5.8 and the epicenter was somewhere in Virginia so I was fairly close, all things considered. Upon being jolted awake yesterday morning, I remember thinking to myself, "This one is way worse." Everything was shaking SO HARD. It's difficult to describe, really. There is no way to explain it. You had to feel it. The scary part was that, being 3:20am, it was pitch dark and I could hear glass shattering all around my uncle's house but I couldn't actually see anything. It was sensory deprivation and sensory overload all at the same time. I finally got out of bed and opened the bedroom door to find my uncle who had just run over. We looked at each other like, "What the hell?" and then it was done. If you ask me, I think the whole thing happened really fast. If you ask him, it was the longest 30 seconds of his life. Perspective. My aunt and uncle lost a lot of stuff. Several bottles from their wine room, their flat screen TV, several sculptures, some dishware, some coffee mugs, and the stuff that wasn't broken was all over the floor. What a mess... I helped them clean the worst of it for about 2 hours and then decided to go back to bed when everything calmed down. They just made a pot of coffee and stayed awake. They're crazy. 

This post is disjointed but the airport is really hectic right now. I have to work on zoning this shit out. 

The work situation I described in chronicle #1 has come to a conclusion. I spoke to our project lead a few times over the course of the trip. He managed to push the design stuff back just enough for me to do it when I get back. The caveat is that I have a lot of work to do by Friday. I was going to take the day off tomorrow to rest and relax but instead I am going to secretly work from home to try to get ahead. I am simultaneously pleased, thankful (to him for navigating that annoying scheduling mess), and scared/stressed. All day I've had a sinking feeling in the bottom of my stomach at the thought of what these next two weeks will be like. 

I did have a wonderful time on vacation though. I'm very sad that it's over but I'm also a little relieved to sleep in my own apartment again (for another week and a half), see my kittens, and not worry (as much) about another earthquake. Lots of changes and excitement are in store for my return. I hope that I can stave off burnout for as long as possible and reach a state of equilibrium as soon as I can. It should really be up to me to do this. Work very hard and very efficiently for the next 2 weeks and hopefully I can coast the rest of this year with a lot less stress and a lot more solidity than I have been able to muster in the early part of the year. Fall is my favorite season and Halloween is my favorite holiday so I have that to look forward to. I'm starting a dance class next Tuesday which should be fun. I have some cool art projects lined up if I find time for them. 

Things should be ok. Deep breaths.

Vacation Chronicles #7

I've been running nonstop since arriving in the Bay Area. Insane! In the last two and a half days, we've done parts of San Francisco, Muir Woods, a farmers market in Sonoma, Monterey Bay, Carmel, Pebble Beach, 2 wineries in Napa, and an art gallery/winery crossover. I don't even know how to summarize. 

I was absolutely right about the juxtapositions. It's been 100% fine dining, expensive wines, BMWs, and all the works since getting here. My uncle's house is amazing. Small, but it's on the edge of a vineyard so his dining room table overlooks a huge expanse of grape vines. I have my own bedroom and bathroom. Basically, this is better than what I have at home. They have been so gracious I can't even handle it. I haven't purchased a single thing in almost 3 days which makes me feel a little bad. I want to give them something to show my gratitude but what do you get rich, retired people that live on the edge of a vineyard? Nothing. They have it all. My uncle and his friend want me to design a wine label for them. They make wine. Maybe I will pay them in art. Such is the beauty and also the plight of an artist. 

The farmers market in Sonoma was absolutely adorable. The place looked like Stars Hollow from Gilmore Girls. I couldn't believe it... And there was this band of old ladies who were freaking awesome singing songs the likes of Pat Benetar and Tina Turner. All of the old hippies were cutting some serious rugs. 

The weather here is very different than LA but still very nice. They have this fog bank that comes in and out every day. It's there in the morning, recedes as the sun rises, and comes back at night. The weather and temperature here are entirely dependent on this overlord. People talk about it like its a living thing. "Ahhh, I haven't seen the bank this far up in a while!" "Man, it just won't go away today!"

All anyone talks about or thinks about around here is wine. Not that I have a problem with this. 

I've spent most of my time not actually in or around San Francisco. We're going back for the day on Sunday but we've mostly spent time in the areas all around it. There is so much to do around here within about 3 hours in any direction. We're attempting to see it ALL. 

I was able to meet up with my coworker friends who are in town for a wedding for a few minutes yesterday in Carmel. It was nice! I may end up going out with them a bit tonight but I'll have to figure out timing. My uncle and I are waking up early tomorrow to go to Yosemite so I want to make sure that I have enough sleep. This vacation is supposed to be relaxing me, not exhausting me. I appreciate the ability to see everything that I don't get to see every day. I can see my friends sing karaoke at home. That makes me sound like an old woman, but goddamn it, it's my vacation and I'll do what I want!

I want to stay here. Everything about this area is great. Napa is beautiful, San Francisco is SO COOL looking. I haven't even spent any real time there but the architecture and aesthetic alone are enough to make me want to live there. Ugh. Why is DC so ugly, boring, and filled with fat, rude people?! Seriously, we are doing it all wrong on the east coast. All. Wrong. If Robin Williams couldn't be happy here, he didn't stand a chance. This is what heaven must be like. 

4 more days... I don't want to leave. Especially since I know how shitty it's going to be when I get back. I'm really, really trying to enjoy my time here but I have the dread of my return hanging over my head. I was thinking about it today in the car. My life has been like one of those seismograph machine outputs. Fairly jagged for the last several months, EARTHQUAKE JAGGED for the last few weeks, flatline for these 12 days of vacation, and then fucking nightmarishly earthquake-jagged when I return. The sad part is that there is no real endpoint for the return-maelstrom. Vacation always provided this light at the end of the tunnel thing for me but now it's just a black hole I'm walking into. 

Uuuuuuuugggggghhhhhhhh... 

Enough of my own depression for one day. I'm going to go read about Shadow's depressing life. 

Vacation Chronicles #6

I'm on the plane to San Francisco. LA time has officially ended. Last night we went to a drag show at a gay bar at which I saw my only 2 celebrities of the whole trip. Jai Rodriguez from the Fab Five and Josh McKinkey from Project Runway. I didn't get to talk to Josh but I did get a picture with Jai! He was super nice... And also jet lagged from his trip to Sydney. 

I spent a lot of time on the beach yesterday and I have the obligatory patches of sunburn to prove it. Not enough to cause concern but more than enough to make me hot and uncomfortable. 

I finished The Silkworm and began American Gods as planned. I'm pleased with the way The Silkworm ended for sure. I love JK Rowling so much. She can do no harm in my eyes. So far, I'm liking American Gods as well. I have enjoyed all of the Doctor Who episodes that Neil Gaiman wrote and I love his blog post about George RR Martin so I was expecting to like his novels as well. I'm excited to finally read one so I can stop being a fake fan of his.  

I expect this trip to San Francisco to be 100% different than my LA experience. The juxtaposition of a few 20-somethings' lives in the heart of LA and a 60 year old retired rich guy in Napa Valley is almost comical. Lush, sophisticated dining will replace hole-in-the-wall Asian food gems. Convertibles will replace buses. Far-too-expensive glasses of wine will replace flasks... And I think that mix is really cool. (Or so I assume. For all I know my uncle will drop me off on a street corner and point me to the nearest McDonalds... Though I highly doubt that).

Shortest flight I've ever taken. We're already in the descent. 

Vacation Chronicles #5

I almost forgot to write my chronicles this morning. The horror! My weekend with Blythe was great!! We got over the the Getty yesterday. It was absolutely amazing. I have never been to another art museum like it. We got a later start (for which I am not at all complaining) that put us there about mid-afternoon and we lamented a bit because we could have easily spent a few more hours there. 

We got to thoroughly peruse a James Ensor exhibit which was really great. He's so creepy and weird and it was awesome. It makes me want to draw more--as every good artist always does. One day, maybe I will. I just can't seem to force drawing into my routine--probably because my "routine" is ever-changing. I just signed up for a dance class on Tuesday nights until February. Anything I can do to keep busy and stave off feelings of loneliness and self-pity. Ironically, none of those "things to stave off loneliness and self pity" revolve around visual art. I don't think it's active enough to distract me from thinking... that's what I've decided. Hopefully the cats easily adjust to having fewer people around. I hope they will be happy...

I have a lot to do to get ready for this move. Coming home will be rough. Work and moving are going to instantly stress me out again upon my return. Knowing that makes it hard to relax now--while I am still on vacation. As Blythe and I were saying last night, I know intellectually that this is crazy but for some reason, I continue to fall into this panicky thought process. It feels like I am being continually beaten down by my own head.  I'm sure everyone feels this. Some people are better at dealing with it I think; or maybe they have sources of joy that are strong enough to offset the negative feelings. I don't know, because obviously I'm still working on this. 

Sitting here in an armchair in Blythe's living room swimming in my own thoughts is not doing me any good, though. I should at least put on a bathing suit, head down to the beach, and swim in my own thoughts there. At least I can work on a tan or do some people watching. I am so close to finishing The Silkworm. Perhaps I can finish it today and start American Gods. I wish there were more Cormoran Strike novels. I really enjoy them. Being JK Rowling books, I'm sure it's only a matter of time befor they're turned into movies. It'll give me a reason to reread them and then be disappointed by the outcome. The actors will then form the image of the characters in my mind while I read later books... Not the end of the world but it does change things a bit. Though I've realized lately that I don't usually put a face to characters when I'm reading. I'll put a body to them; and clothes; but I always have a very vague image of their face. This might be because I generally try to put myself in the shoes of the character--so I guess you wouldn't see your own face on a normal day, would you? I don't know. I just came to the staggering realization very recently that, despite being a visual artist who is fascinated by character creation, I tend to ignore the faces of characters in books. Odd, that's all. 

Here are a few pictures from the Getty...